The tears won’t bring you back, neither will the screams.
Yet I lay there every night crying and hoping, watching as the clock ticks closer to 2:30am.
2:30am, that’s when you would come home.
The night is a constant reminder of our endless conversations.
The stars and the moon serve as a reminder of your absence.
The sun no longer shines, as if you took it with you when you left.
You are everywhere, except here beside me.
Although loving you was draining, I always found an excuse for it.
I longed for you, but you longed for her.
You chose her.
On this day, I knew it was the last day of love.
It’s 3:57am, you no longer are on my mind.
This piece was inspired by the book The Sun and Her Flowers by Rupi Kaur. Reading through this book, her heartbreak poems stood out to me the most as she uses a unique style. In order to put this poem together, I looked at a few of her pieces and picked out words that inspired my writing such as; endless, draining, sun, love, etc. The first two stanzas of the poem suggest feelings of despair and loneliness. The third stanza shows a shift as there is now realization and understanding. The time of 2:30 is significant in this poem because it’s the hour where all the feelings and memories rush back, but after that hour passes those feelings do too. I kept this poem short, inspired by the way Rupi Kaur writes very minimally. I personally prefer short heartbreak poems rather than long ones as I feel the shorter it is, the more powerful and meaningful it is. My intent was to capture the feelings of heartbreak in less than 4 stanzas.
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Dear Nehchal,
I’ll start off with this: I’m in love with your poem. Everything about your piece seems to draw me in, from the image choice, to the title, to the writing itself. I love the simplicity of it all and the clear impact it has, heartbreak and longing. I can see the inspiration you had from Rupi Kaur within this poem. The stylistic choice really suits you!
My one criticism would be the length of the poem itself. I believe that there could be a deeper story behind this, and I would love to see the entanglement of a former lover. While the poem was short, simple, and sweet, true to the Rupi Kaur sense, the poem wasn’t as impactful as it could’ve been if it were more flushed out with backstory. I understand the basic premise and meaning, but there could be more to it, if that makes sense.
I can’t wait to see your future writing pieces in this class! This poem is just the tip of the iceberg for me. I’m greatly anticipating your next post <3.
Sincerely,
Cindy
Dear Nehchal,
You have perfectly captured the image of heartbreak through the use of your words. Just like Cindy has said I love the choice of image. I also liked how you had drawn inspiration from one of your favourite writers and had incorporated some of those aspects into your own writing.
One thing that I would have likes to see is a longer piece so you are able to form a deeper message and really hit all the emotions within the reader more effectively.
Can’t wait for what you have to offer in the future!!
Sincerely,
khushman
Thank you both for taking the time to read and comment on my poem. I really appreciate it. Your comments are very encouraging.
I completely understand and agree with you both, the poem could have been longer. Reading over it again, I did notice the shortness of it. I will definitely keep length in mind for my next blog post.
Again, thank you both for the comments.
-Nehchal
Dear Nehchal,
This was an excellent work of writing and I am definitely glad I decided to read this piece. Poetry can seem to be challenging for a lot of people, but this seemed very natural for you and the explanation was spot-on as well. Your ability to convey the feelings of loneliness and pain are perfect, and the structure of your piece complemented the subject matter. For improvement, I would make the ending a little less abrupt. It seems like you go from your pain to a resolution right away, but I understand how that may be a stylistic choice. It’s been great to be in your class this year and get to read your amazing work.
Sincerely,
Zaid